"Good Hair" is Groomed Hair

To Whom It May Concern:

Like many other girlfriends in the world, my BFF’s and I went to see Chris Rock’s docu-comedy “Good Hair” this weekend. Between the laughs and the “oh no he didn’t 's” I actually walked away with some profound insight on why women put so much emphasis on “their” hair, thanks mainly to Al Sharpton. But aside from the fabulous weaves worn by Nia Long and other start studded celebrities there are many average everyday women paying a lot of money for hair and not keeping it “good” as such.

Although I’ve never been one to wear weaves, wigs or the like I always get my hair done. I’m a professional wash and set lady who gets her deep conditioners and wraps weekly so I totally understand the beauty factor behind getting your hair done, however what I don’t understand is why I see so many disheveled weave wearers. I’ve seen tracks, wrong textures, things that resemble squirrels, Pocahontas and a few others things I would prefer not to mention. And after watching Chris’s movie this past weekend I realized that these mishaps are all for the love of “good hair”. This so called “unbeweavable” experience has caused some of us to look like a plain ole hot mess. So my point today is know matter what style you choose to wear your hair - weave or all natural, remember Good Hair is Groomed Hair. Keep it tight!


Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

Teeth or Dare

To Whom It May Concern:

Why is it so hard for some women to tell each other they have something on their teeth? This question reminded me of a couple of years ago when I was working in PR and I had the chance to talk with PR guru Terrie Williams in a car ride from Harlem to midtown. During the ride Terrie asked me the strangest question – “Would you tell me if I had lipstick on my teeth”. Caught off guard I embarrassingly said no. She laughed and replied “I don’t know why people do that…what’s so hard with telling someone they have something on their teeth.” I can’t remember exactly what her theory was on the reason why people do this, but this past week I’ve been searching for the answer.

Since I’ve been trying to eat “healthy” for my upcoming vacation and an overall lifestyle change I have been substituting green veggies for my love of French fries. But of course there is a consequence to eating healthy foods like broccoli and spinach – and that’s the not so attractive leftovers they leave in between your teeth. Yes, the annoying green strings that linger in those hard to reach places front and center of your Kodak smile.
Being a victim of the green monster during a lengthy conversation with a familiar female co-worker left me wondering why she hadn’t told me I had something in between my teeth. I get the fact that it can be some what uncomfortable to tell someone they have something ugly going on in their mouth. But are we that selfish to risk our own embarrassment to allow someone else’s? All of this made me think even further than what may be in our mouths. I began to wonder do we do the same thing when we are asked “How does this look? “Does this match?” “Does this look bad?” Do we all really tell the truth even when we know it will hurt? Or do we again selfishly run from the truth to ease our own discomfort?

Well ever since that car ride with Terrie Williams five years ago, I vowed to always tell a woman when she had a temporary flaw if she was talking to me or if she asked. Because the truth is my so called perceived embarrassment is just that - perceived. It’s not that bad ladies let’s do it more often.


Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

Pregnant Pause

To Whom It May Concern:

Sometimes I wish I would have had a baby when I was young, dumb and thought love is all you needed to get by. You know, before you grow up and realize that it takes money, time and maturity to raise a family. As a thirty year old woman, I can’t help but to wonder when will I ever be totally ready to start a family. I definitely want children (specifically two, a boy and a girl) and I understand that you will never be 100% ready, but I can’t seem to get over the reality of motherhood and all the sacrifices it brings. With my laundry list of goals to accomplish I wonder if while I’m striving to be successful so my children can have a better life am I creating a “pregnant pause” around what it takes to really raise a family?

This weekend I attended a baby shower of a young girl. At twenty-one she gathered all of her family and friends to celebrate the birth of her first child. Unmarried but clearly in awe of the baby’s father, this young girl had the face of innocence and no clue how different her life would be after next month. It wasn’t just her innocence that broke my heart it was all of her girlfriends that she invited who were already mothers or soon to be. At not even the legal drinking age of twenty one these girls were far ahead in the game than me. (Side note – I could never imagine having children and not being able to legally drink. A glass of Pinot Grigio is mandatory after dealing with some unruly kids). They naively thought that birthing a child from their at the moment boyfriends was actually cute and made them special. They believe that a boy nineteen years of age is seriously thinking about settling down and raising a family with them. I couldn’t help but wonder where was their self-esteem? Where were the role models to show these young women that there is more to life than what they see right now? After running these questions through my head I realized that the reality was these young girls were misinformed by their immaturity and innocence. They couldn’t possibly know how hard it is to raise a child when they still have their parents to take care of them, when the only work they have to do is home work and the only love they know is their first. But as disappointing as it is, ignorance is bliss and minus all the self-esteem issues I can't help but to secretly wish I still had the innocence of the unknown, especially when your biological clock is ticking and you don’t even have a watch…


P.S. Write me back below.

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

A little bit of a LOT...I'm back (again)

Photo by: Joulmi

To Whom It May Concern:

Ok, Ok!! I know I did it again and left you S.T.A.M.P.S. waiting way too long for a letter. But trust me I have a semi-good excuse! Last month I turned 3-0! Yes the big 30. Since this birthday was such a big deal you know I had to do it BIG. I planned two parties (the Gemini in me) and created a campaign affectionately titled “30 days of 30” where I celebrated my birthday every day in June with my fabulous friends! Between planning both parties, preparing myself mentally for this new chapter in my life and keeping up with my deadlines at Clutch magazine my world has been hectic. But nonetheless, I’m back to normal now and ready to give you more of the new me. For starters, I must apologize for leaving you high and dry on the commentary of Steve Harvey’s book. If it makes you feel any better I didn’t even finish it because of all the festivities I had going on. I’m planning to re-visit it soon but at the moment I’m engrossed in the new book deliciously titled Appetite by fab author and dear friend of mine Erika J. Kendrick (Thanks for the advanced copy E). It’s definitely the perfect summer read. I’ve got so many topics to share and things to catch you all up on so stay tuned (and subscribe). To Whom It May Concern is back and better than ever!


P.S. Write me back below.

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man – Part 1

To Whom It May Concern:

Last week I decided to purchase Steve Harvey’s highly acclaimed book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man (shout out to the fab co-author Denene Millner). Despite the rave reviews from Oprah to Essence and how much I love Steve I wasn’t going to buy the book simply because I felt like I knew everything about men. I’ve dealt with the best of them and as a self-proclaimed “realistic relationship expert” I was positive his advice just reiterated what I tell my girlfriends and all the other countless women who listen to me and read my articles. My cousin, who had purchased the book when it first hit the book shelves agreed with me but simply said “it just sounds better coming from a man”. So needless to say I got over my high horse and curiosity killed the cat.

So far I’ve read the first three chapters and it’s good! And although what I read so far comes to me as no surprise, Steve really does lay the facts women need to know in a way no woman could have. He gives it straight with no chaser just the way I like it!
However, I’ve decided to season Steve’s momentum with some of my spices and share with you ladies my personal commentary on the book as I read it. I know you like to hear the truth from a man but you also need to hear it further from a woman who acts like a lady and thinks like a man…..


P.S. If you have not bought the book, I suggest you do so. Not only to participate and comment, but because it is really good!

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

How do you lose control?

To Whom It May Concern:

Lately the word “control” and the act of it, has been my worst enemy and best friend. Its dual role in my life has left me confused and struggling with when to turn it off and when to turn it on. Case in point, my mentors, sponsors and biggest supporters at work have been congratulating me on how well I’ve taken “control” of my career all the while urging me to continue to take control as a climb the infamous corporate ladder. While at the same time, the love of my life affectionately yet seriously tells me to stop trying to “control” everything and let him lead at times. I never thought I would have to balance control, heck I’m just really learning how to be in it. How do I streamline my “control” when I’m praised for it in one world and criticized for it in another? This power struggle has left me wondering, how do I lose control?

Well T.D. Jakes answered it best for me in the June issue of Essence Magazine. He simply said “Let go and Let God” reminding me who really is in “control” of my life. He further explained that control itself can be an illusion and the need to have it is an act of fear. Fear of being disappointed and the fear of letting go. Although I must admit being in control gives me a sense of power and the comfort of knowing things will go my way (both feelings I enjoy), he was right, my control was about fear, the fear of not meeting my own expectations.

As a woman with high expectations of her self, the one thing I feared was failure. So prior to reading T.D. Jakes’ words of wisdom, losing control used to mean losing myself.
I believed not being in control meant I was setting myself up for dissapointment and ultimately failure. I now know that I don’t always have to be in control to get the results I want. And more importantly losing control is not about losing at all, it’s about gaining - trust, faith and the power to let go.


P.S. Write me back below.

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

Goal Digging

To Whom It May Concern:

For the past two weeks I’ve been putting my body through this rigorous boot camp which entails going to bed between 10pm-11pm and waking up at 5am. The reason is I’m super busy (in addition to freelance writing I work full time in sales & marketing for a major television network) and I seem to never have time in the day to do all things I would like, such as writing the chapters of my book (I will tell you more about that when I can – smile) and just writing period. Working full-time and being a freelance writer is tough and only writing on my weekends wasn’t cutting it anymore. Therefore, I had to figure out a way to incorporate extra time into my work week to make my dreams a reality.

It is extremely hard to balance a full time job, relationship, popular social calendar and your personal goals. However, it can be done, but only with discipline and a clear objective of what you want. How do I know this? Because my 5am weekly wake-up’s taught me so. You see, I’m a morning person but not that early in the morning. Even though I’m most productive in the AM, it doesn’t occur until five hours later around 9am. So needless to say waking up a 5am was rough, the first week was the hardest. I would get up and begin writing and feel like my eyes were going to catch on fire from the burning. And by 3pm I was crashing big time. I was cranky, fatigue and extremely tired. Nonetheless, I survived the first week, tired yet proud of myself I accomplished a step toward my goal.

But it was the second week of my boot camp that taught me a lesson about achieving your goals. Surprisingly, by this time it wasn’t so bad hearing my alarm clock go off at 5am. My body had begun to adjust to my new schedule and I effortlessly was able to get out of bed and head to the computer. I didn’t even feel like I was crashing in the middle of the day anymore. That week taught me that if you set a goal to achieve something you really want you have to prepared and willing to endure all what it takes to reach it. It will only be your determination and passion to reach your goal that will get you through the challenges. Yet, when you overcome the obstacles (in my case the boot camp) achieving the end result gets a bit easier.

If you have a goal, dream or passion you want to pursue but find yourself saying you don’t have time, make time! Even by finding just an hour in your day can make a world of a difference in reaching your goals. Many have told me this in the past but it took me until now to really understand it and live by it. So I’m paying it forward and telling you the same.

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks